My first blog...

I tried to do this before but yet again.....didn't do it! Why did I title this "sometimes"? Well, I sometimes feel like the happiest girl alive. I have an incredible daughter Nina and family. Sometimes like today I feel overwhelmed and helpless. Yesterday, was the first day in over a year that I've talked to Nina's father and I had to go to this mediation session with him to agree on how he's going to see Nina. Well I ofcourse think I'd just like to leave my life the way it was and not have him add another issue to it. I always wanted Nina to know her father but never thought it would really happen and here it comes. WOW! I wish I could have just disappeared during the most difficult times with Nina and just come back over a year later. Well, I'm happy Ive known my dear sweetheart and I would deal with every screaming sleepless night before a huge nursing exam again!! Sometimes, I feel like my "tumor situation" is never going to get better. I go back to the Dr's office next Monday April 14th. They will tell me after looking at a CAT scan right before my appointment if the cyst has shrunk and died or not. I constantly have that running through my head. Sometimes I feel like cutting my head open and ripping it out...UGH!! yeah, that'd be sick! Anyways, I'm having the symptoms as if the cyst has filled up again which is right sided weakness....is it psychological??who knows.......anyways although Sometimes I may feel these ways.....ALL OF THE TIME, I know God is in control. I came home today and was feeling bad for myself blah blah blah and I went to start this blogging thing and SIRUS radio was on and this odd female voice came on and said " This song is for you from God" and it was the song that i thought I "heard" in the hospital. Listen to it..."Hold me Jesus" So all though sometimes you may feel a certain way know that ALL OF THE TIME God is in control.