Having fun with my neenster

Nina with her friend Sam (my friend Danielle's son) We went to the farmers market in Johnstown. I just went for fun and ended up getting some green beans, blueberries and corn. I know, an odd combo. We had a blast though.

Nina slept in her tent this night and she did very well. She is ready for a big girl bed but I'm not :(
Nina and her friend Ayva dancing at my friend Jasmins wedding. Nina LOOOOOVES to dance!

Here's the infamous wig.....not too bad...eh?

Even though I'm restless at home having no idea what I'm going to end up doing...either nursing school or who knows what? I've got to watch Nina grow so much over these past few months. When I was in nursing school I felt so guilty and just dreamed for the day I'd have a little free time. Now I've got it and Im restless. Frustrating yet satisfying at the same time. I'm really trusting the Lord and I know in his timing I'll be where he wants me to be. I'm just learning more and more patience. If you know me, you'd know I desperately need that at times. Look at my precious little Nina!! growing up so fast!! I love her dearly and can't get enough of her teeny butt!! Ohh...an update I guess.....in 3 months (october) I get a cat scan and in 6 months (january 09' can you believe it!!) I have an MRI and see the neurosurgeon. Im not a usual blogger but I will blog before October hahaha

From this bed......

I'm in the hospital thinking a few hours ago, What am I going to do with Nina tomorrow?" Then in came one of the residents and he told me I'm having surgery at 7. All I can really do is just sit amd trust the Lord to see what's coming next. The Lord has given me tremendous peace and courage that only He can give. I felt really guilty because I had a terruble attitude in rehab and I can't even explain how I felt. Well the Lord smacked me into reality and I told him I dont have a way with words but he's got to use me. I came to the conclusion that just having a smile on my face and saying thanks and have a good day is showing Christ the best way I can. I love life and I have no reason to be resentful or angry this is only making me stronger. Im not ready to tell the Lord "this is too much" because I know I will face conflict and Id rather be strong and prepared when facing it. He is good and it will be the best feeling in the world sitting next to him eating no bakes. I love you guys and thanks for praying.

Update

Much has happened since my last blog. I had to quit my LPN schooling because I'm going to be having surgery June 16th to have the cyst removed and part of the tumor. I will be in rehab for 1-2 weeks after depending how severe the defecits. All in all I am still trusting in the Lord to fulfill his will for my life. I have no idea what I'm going to do here yet but I'm excited to find out. Here's my little neen baneen with a scarf and i walked into our porch and she had my sock on it was hilarious (right foot)

yeh, that's me...

Sorry I don't get to update this more but I just had a whole week of class for 8hrs a day and two tests my first week. I got a 98% on my first test and 95% on my 2nd!! woao! Get a little boost of confidence in LPN school vs RN. Anyways im doing fine so is miss nina.

I will be starting her in a new day care here in johnstown its called "Daydream day care" it's no dream compared to eastminister day care :( Its gonna be tough to do this all over again so be praying. Also, I had my MRI done in johnstown and i will never do that again theyre so heartless ugh! thats another story..the Dr. in pittsburghs going to call sometime next week once he sees the films so ill let you know what he says. heres a little movie of nina. See Jess we do "crafts"

Naptime = play with my poop and pee time

I've been laying Nina down for her nap and she is just laying there and I say "i love you" and she says "you love me" (because of that dumb barney song) anyways i'll keep the monitor on while im doing something and hear her awake. Well ive figured out that if shes up too long shes up to no good. I walk in and she goes "oh no...oh no, ook mama ook" and she either smeared her poop or peed somewhere on her bed. Does anyone know how to remedy this? i try going in sooner when i hear her up but i dont even know when she starts doing this mischieve. Anyways, it's pretty hilarious but i want to stop having to throw everything in the wash after nap time.

My first blog...

I tried to do this before but yet again.....didn't do it! Why did I title this "sometimes"? Well, I sometimes feel like the happiest girl alive. I have an incredible daughter Nina and family. Sometimes like today I feel overwhelmed and helpless. Yesterday, was the first day in over a year that I've talked to Nina's father and I had to go to this mediation session with him to agree on how he's going to see Nina. Well I ofcourse think I'd just like to leave my life the way it was and not have him add another issue to it. I always wanted Nina to know her father but never thought it would really happen and here it comes. WOW! I wish I could have just disappeared during the most difficult times with Nina and just come back over a year later. Well, I'm happy Ive known my dear sweetheart and I would deal with every screaming sleepless night before a huge nursing exam again!! Sometimes, I feel like my "tumor situation" is never going to get better. I go back to the Dr's office next Monday April 14th. They will tell me after looking at a CAT scan right before my appointment if the cyst has shrunk and died or not. I constantly have that running through my head. Sometimes I feel like cutting my head open and ripping it out...UGH!! yeah, that'd be sick! Anyways, I'm having the symptoms as if the cyst has filled up again which is right sided weakness....is it psychological??who knows.......anyways although Sometimes I may feel these ways.....ALL OF THE TIME, I know God is in control. I came home today and was feeling bad for myself blah blah blah and I went to start this blogging thing and SIRUS radio was on and this odd female voice came on and said " This song is for you from God" and it was the song that i thought I "heard" in the hospital. Listen to it..."Hold me Jesus" So all though sometimes you may feel a certain way know that ALL OF THE TIME God is in control.